Hello,
Here is my first essay- its creative. I think i have problems with my tense and punctuation.
the prompt was a picture of full bright moon and some clouds.
The moon was brght. too bright. Tom and his cronies can find him fast. After the little scene at the market, Holder has been running. Running like the wind. and here he is now, hiding behind a voloptuous bush, hoping that he will not be found. The sound of Tom's red sneakers scratching down in frustration, back at the market was still fresh in his mind. Quivering and stumbling, he had managed to escape his wrath, but not for long, as Tom's look has reminded him.
The coast was clear, and Holder emerged slowly from his refuge. he looked up and cursed the moon for being so bright, forgetting that he would not have found his way without the misty white light that engulfed this night. contemplating on his actions today, Holder walked hesitently over the plain.
Tom had stolen and Holder told the shop owner. What was bad about that? he still could not get his innocent thoughts to realise the concept of revenge. The murderous look on Tom's face and size of his squalid and ragged friends had been enough to scare him out of his wits. Without thinking about the practicality of running home, he had sprinted into the barren plains.
The moon was still showering the night with its light, showing no hint of going to sleep behind the clouds. The night was still young and home is nothing but a warm a safe wish for Holder now. He is sure that Tom's minions would be contouring his street like lamp posts, waiting for him. Wrapped up in these horrific thoughts, Holder scanned the territory before him. Broken stones, decayed statues, thorny bushes, a pair of red sneakers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please give me some advice!!!! i completed it in 15 mins.
Thank you 
Hey!
I just finished my essay and it will be on my thread if you want to check it out later, I'm sparing my downtime for this because I know that butterflish feeling you get when you think about the test.
Overall, I think it is a solid effort, you have displayed some great adjectives and used them at the appropriate time.
However, I found lots of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, while I was reading. I don't know if they are typos but it is very important that you try to reduce these small errors all the way down to nothing. It may also be due to nerves, I certainly understand, because when I first started my thread, my first piece was almost illegible and I had lots of simple mistakes. Definitely try to eliminate them nevertheless.
Another thing that I found was the plot of the story wasn't very good even compared to mine
. Sorry if you feel I'm being to harsh but I couldn't follow along with the storyline because it was just too much to absorb. Try reducing the amount of characters and the scenes that take place in the story. Limit your scenes down to one or two no more than three if it is a really good prompt. The plot of the story is arguably more important than almost other aspects because even with a good plot a mediocre writer can make it really good. Probably irrelevant but this is how best selling blockbusters and books are made. The sheer thought of the events playing out excites you and you want to see it being done.
Nevertheless, I'm positive your plot will improve drastically as you keep practising and will almost definitely vary from the condition you are in when you write the story(try to write these things in the evening, not at night like me
)
On the bright side, I admire how you can finish a complete story in 15 minutes, with me I struggle to spew out something decent in 20 minutes which usually forces me to do a rushed ending. Making the whole essay less appealing.
Good job on that.
I would like to ask you for more specific details if you do not mind
,
What year are you in?
When is your test, as in how many days, weeks.
Are you trying for other schools? Such as melbourne high?
Just little things that can help me judge your essays
Well good luck on your writing, I hope you the best for your upcoming test.
And remember, maths is important too, nossal along with other selective exam schools look for all rounders not just people who excel in writing
Yeh, I need to work on my maths, too. I understand most questions,(80%) but I just can't interpret and evaluate them fast enough.
Well, I hope my input was worth it, I certainly would not like to think that I missed my downtime for nothing
You can do this!!!!!
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█████████
░░███████░░░░░░░░░░███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒███
░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒█░░░░░░░███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒███
░░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒█░░░░██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░░░░█▒▒▒▒▒█░░░██▒▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒▒███
░░░░░█▒▒▒█░░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒████▒▒▒▒████▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░░░█████████████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒██
██▒▒▒███████████▒▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▒▒██
█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▒▒▒▒████████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░█▒▒▒███████████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██
░██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█
░░████████████░░░█████████████████
Home
Help
Search
Login
