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Author Topic: Your Feedback On SECTION C : LANGUAGE ANALYSIS required please :)  (Read 3155 times)  Share 

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Gutthi

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Section C Piece 1: (Your Feedback Required Please  :) )

(Analysis Of : http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2010english-w.pdf)

The issue of “achieving a significant reduction in the rate of biodiversity loss” as a part of the commitment made in 2002 raises concern regarding “how well have we done?” Reviewing progress towards achieving this target at the 2010 International Biodiversity conference, speaker Chris Lee approaches his audience, including attendees involved in the area of nature conservation, in a rather accusatory yet a disapproving tone. While complementing the two, Lee also employs an alarmist tone to contend that rapid action must be taken “before it is too late.” The use of visuals through his opening and closing slides enable Lee to deliver his argument through another medium.

By indicating the “vital significance” of “this year” Lee aims to draw his audiences’ attention to the importance of their presence at the conference itself. Furthermore, his alarmist tone, accompanying his introduction, carries along a warning for the attendees, indicating the reality check that is to compliment his speech. It is prior to presenting any of his arguments that Lee immediately highlights his presence as part of the audience, by stating the “value of biodiversity in our lives.” By doing so, he is able to reassure his audience that its not a particular group, but everyone that is to be blamed for the “thoughtless human actions,” yet it is also everyone that must take action to “reverse the negative trend.” Lee further extends upon the idea of an inclusive approach towards the solution by indicating that “we will….strengthen our goals,” while connoting a positive future amongst the audience.

Introducing his argument of “thoughtless human actions” causing the “loss of species at a faster rate than they can evolve,” Lee continues his alarmist approach towards his audience, and employs the use of statistics from the IUCN. Referencing a major organisation in context of his speech, the use of statistics adds credibility to his argument while allowing Lee to approach the attendees’ sense of justice for the “already extinct” species. By bluntly highlighting that “it is too late for them,” the speaker bids to appeal to the audience’s moral values, and further extends upon the idea of there still being time for action to preserve the remaining biodiversity. By doing so, the audience is compelled to ponder upon their actions in the “sad….past.”

Shifting onto a rather accusatory one, Lee further attacks his audiences’ “lack of unity” in leading “us to a grim situation,” however, accompanying his accusation is his choice of inclusiveness with his audience that again reassures them that everyone is to be held responsible for the “environmental degradation.” The speaker further acknowledges his audiences’ status as being “the most educated generation of any to date,” hence implying that there is “no excuse for inaction.” While appealing to their honourable presence in such a way, Lee juxtaposes his “economic(ally) giant” viewers to the “poor….vulnerable” communities, and simultaneously appeals to their sense of justice for the less fortunate that depend on biodiversity “for survival.” The attack and juxtaposition, in conjunction with emphasis upon “you (audience)”, bid to cause the attendees to feel ashamed of their inaction, hence further reiterating Lee’s contention of a “need to change.”

While panning back to his alarmist tone, Lee colloquially indicates to his audience that they must stop “kidding themselves” and take action before it is too late. This accompanies his argument of “taking serious action from now onwards” while the speaker continues the juxtaposition of the “1.1 billion people….in poverty” as opposed to “us….in the comfort of an air-conditioner.” Through the constant juxtaposition of the poor and the rich, Lee’s audience is able to understand their importance in the community as the one’s “responsible for it,” furthermore, they are inclined to feel involved in taking “serious action” in order to preserve the biodiversity. Lee also employs the use of a visual representing the world in the hands of a human, which, by summarizing the presentation enhances the ideal of humanities’ responsibility and impact upon biodiversity through depicting the globe resting in our hands. This image creates the sensation that we control the well-being and future of the world inspiring an overwhelming sense of responsibility.

By adopting constant tone shifts and employing a range of different appeals throughout his presentation, Lee summarises the importance of “our” action in order to “prevent the loss of biodiversity,” and while doing so, his “educated” audience is departed with a greater sense of appreciation for their access. Simultaneously, while the speaker utilises a range of different persuasive techniques to deliver his contention, his audience is inclined to be convinced by his arguments, and is further urged to take serious action.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2014, 02:51:33 am by Gutthi »

brenden

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Re: WILL I EVER GET A FEEDBACK (Section C) ?
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2014, 05:41:11 pm »
+3
A polite PM would probably be much more effective than this thread.
✌️just do what makes you happy ✌️

walkec

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Re: WILL I EVER GET A FEEDBACK (Section C) ?
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2014, 06:11:39 pm »
+6
The issue of “achieving a significant reduction in the rate of biodiversity loss” as a part of the commitment made in 2002 raises concern regarding “how well have we done?” Reviewing progress towards achieving this target at the 2010 International Biodiversity conference, speaker Chris Lee approaches his audience, including attendees involved in the area of nature conservation, in a rather accusatory yet a disapproving tone. While complementing the two, Lee also employs an alarmist tone to contend that rapid action must be taken “before it is too late.” The use of visuals through his opening and closing slides enable Lee to deliver his argument through another medium.

  • your opening sentence is clunky and doesn't really engage the reader. Try something like "ongoing commitments to improving the "rate of biodiversity loss" sees Chris Lee review progress made towards this target. I see what you tried to do, but I don't think it was all that well executed
  • Your sentence about audience is somewhat long winded. Try "As Lee is addressing those at the 2010 International Biodiversity conference, it is a given that the majority of his audience are concerned with progress in the conservation of nature". You'd then go onto to discussing why this is significant - don't just leave it hanging.
    • I also think you need to make the contention clearer

By indicating the “vital significance” of “this year” Lee aims to draw his audiences’ attention to the importance of their presence at the conference itself. Lee focuses his audiences' attention to the "vital significance" of maintaining biodiversity. Lee's use of.... (this is where you'd discuss how he does this and the impact. This you then set you up to discuss his tone) Furthermore, his alarmist tone, accompanying his introduction, carries along a warning for the attendees, indicating the reality check - careful of colloquial language terms unless you're quoting the article that is to compliment his speech. It is prior to presenting any of his arguments that Lee immediately highlights his presence as part of the audience, by stating the “value of biodiversity in our lives.” I feel like you're missing a sentence here. Talk about the emphasis and the importance that Lee places on having biodiversity and how this needs to be maintainedBy doing so, he is able to reassure his audience that its not a particular group, but everyone that is to be blamed for the “thoughtless human actions,” yet it is also everyone that and everyone is response for taking action to "reverse the negative trend." must take action to “reverse the negative trend.” This encourages readers to understand how a shared effort is needed to maintain biodiversity, as it is too large of an issue for an individual to solely handle Lee further extends upon the idea of an inclusive approach towards the solution by indicating that “we will….strengthen our goals,” while connoting a positive future amongst the audience. this sentence doesn't really reveal anything about how the language is used. I feel as though you've memorised "inclusive approach" and then used it because you understand that "we" is an example of inclusive language

Introducing his argument of “thoughtless human actions” causing the “loss of species at a faster rate than they can evolve,” Lee continues his alarmist - I know you've already discussed this but how does an alarmist approach then link with the use of statistics?? approach towards his audience, and employs the use of statistics from the IUCN. Referencing a major organisation in context of his speech, the use of statistics adds credibility to his argument once again, this is a "memorised effect". Like yeah, sure it does add credibility but what does it do in context of the article? while allowing Lee to approach the attendees’ sense of justice for the “already extinct” species. By bluntly highlighting that “it is too late for them,” the speaker bids to appeal to the audience’s moral values, and further extending upon this idea, the audience can come to understand how there is still time for action to preserve the remaining biodiversity - I like this bit  :). By doing so, the audience is compelled to ponder upon their actions in the “sad….past.” As a result of this, listeners are encouraging to act in a positive manner in the current to seek to prevent greater biodiversity loss

Shifting onto a rather accusatory one, Lee further attacks his audiences’ “lack of unity” in leading “us to a grim situation,” however, accompanying his accusation is his choice of inclusiveness with his audience that again reassures them that everyone is to be held responsible for the “environmental degradation. - where possible, try to avoid repeating ideas. There is so much more in this article you could be discussing!” The speaker further acknowledges his audiences’ status as being “the most educated generation of any to date,” hence implying that there is “no excuse for inaction.” While appealing to their honourable presence in such a way, Lee juxtaposes his “economic(ally) giant” viewers to the “poor….vulnerable” communities, and simultaneously appeals to their sense of justice for the less fortunate that depend on biodiversity “for survival.” The attack and juxtaposition, in conjunction with emphasis upon “you (audience)”, bid to cause the attendees to feel ashamed of their inaction, hence further reiterating Lee’s contention of a “need to change.” - this is superficial

While panning back to his alarmist tone - to effective track tone shifts, look at how tone varies over a piece. Don't come back to the same tone unless it's the nature of the article, Lee colloquially indicates to his audience that they must stop “kidding themselves” and take action before it is too late. consider the choice of "kidding" --> it has connotations of childish behaviour and is thereby associated with innocence and lack of knowledge. This could act as a call to action for the audience to recognise the need to act now before it is too late.This accompanies his argument of “taking serious action from now onwards” while the speaker continues the juxtaposition of the “1.1 billion people….in poverty” as opposed to “us….in the comfort of an air-conditioner.” Through the constant juxtaposition of the poor and the rich, Lee’s audience is able to understand their importance in the community as the one’s “responsible for it,” furthermore, they are inclined to feel involved in taking “serious action” in order to preserve the biodiversity. that sentence in red didn't really add anymore depth to what you have already said Lee also employs the use of a visual representing the world in the hands of a human, which, by summarizing the presentation enhances the ideal of humanities’ responsibility and impact upon biodiversity through depicting the globe resting in our human hands. This image creates the sensation that we control the well-being and future of the world inspiring an overwhelming sense of responsibility thereby positioning the reader to aspire to treat in with greater respect..

By adopting constant tone shifts and employing a range of different appeals throughout his presentation, Lee summarises the importance of “our” action in order to “prevent the loss of biodiversity,” and while doing so, his “educated” audience is departed with a greater sense of appreciation for their access. Simultaneously, while the speaker utilises a range of different persuasive techniques to deliver his contention, his audience is inclined to be convinced by his arguments, and is further urged to take serious action. Not to sound harsh, but I strongly dislike how you have ended your analysis. I feel as though you've been too broad and summarised the article in one paragraph. To end the analysis, I would have taken the quote from Einser and explained how this last line of the speech makes the impact of the impact more profound as it also features in the image.

  • try structuring your analysis based around reoccurring strategies/concepts. This forces you to look at the entirety of the article instead of progressing in a sort of chronological manner
  • I feel as though you do have a grasp on the intended impact of techniques, but these have been sort of regurgitated instead of applied to this text. Section C is not purely a task about how many definitions and intended impacts about techniques you can recall. It is about scrutinising and analysing language use and the effect it has on the reader
  • your paragraphs were somewhat short
  • make sure you plan before you begin to write
  • If there is more than one image, I would strongly suggest analysing both images. There was so much to look at in the first image, I'm surprised you ignored it (especially given it is the opening slide and is the logo of the conference.)

I hope you take this advice not too harshly. Best of luck

Gutthi

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2014, 11:36:05 pm »
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Section C Piece 2: (Your Feedback Required Please  :) )

(Analysis Of : http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2013/2013english-w.pdf)

Discussions regarding potential future uses of an abandoned area of land give rise to possible ideas regarding its restoration as a benefit to the local community. Making a contribution to this discussion is the Grow Slow Garden Group which endorses the idea of employing the unoccupied land as a means for establishment of a Community Garden. By alternating their optimistic tone with a rather matter of fact approach throughout their informative newsletter, the Community Group aims to persuade the local community members, including common householders, to support them in propositioning their plan to the Local Community Council. Further approaching a colloquial language to accompany their contention, the group tends to employ the use of visuals, including a poster and a bar chart, in order to present their perspective through another medium, and hence incline the local community members to “join in” in voting for a Community Garden.

The bold headline “Getting our future back on the rails – slowly,” is aimed to grab the community members’ attention as it connotes a topic that is familiar to “just about everyone.” The word “rails” is associated to the “abandoned railway yards” which are an unoccupied part of the local community, and by relating “our future” with the topic, the leader of the Grow Slow Garden Group bids to assure to his readers of a “visionary” proposition being made. Initiating their newsletter unpretentiously, the Grow Slow Garden Group indicate to their audience of the fact that “there’s nothing extreme about” them. By stating that they’re not merely another “radical group,” the organisation tends to highlight that there’s a similarity between them and local householders, hence implying their desire for the best of themselves and the community, just like that of a community member. A further juxtaposition of their “visionary” point of view with the “few antisocial citizens” misusing the “abandoned railway yards” bids to extend upon the group’s opposition to the mistreatment of a beneficial area to the community. It’s through such an appeal to the common householders’ sense of moral values for the “neglected” community area that the author is able to evoke anger towards mistreatment of the land amongst his readers. Furthermore, by doing so, the reader is targeted to feel inclined to take action towards the abuse of a potentially beneficial area to their community, and hence inclined to support the Grow Slow Garden Group in voting for a Community Garden.

Arguing that building a community garden would mean to be up to date with the “international trends,” the author aims to appeal to his reader’s modern values. By stating that “hundreds of millions of people across the globe” engage in a community garden, the common householder’s belief of doing what is popular and trending is evoked; they are aimed to realise the importance of staying up to date with global activities, and be a part of the Grow Slow Garden Community Group’s plan for a community garden. Furthermore, as any other householder, the reader is also swayed into the notion of doing the best for their own community. The fact that “The Queen” and “The First Lady” have engaged in growing gardens also extends upon the author’s urge for the community to stay up-to-date with the modern society, and as a reference to global idols, further arouse the reader’s to follow the popular trend and support the organisation’s proposal.

Maintaining their optimistic tone, the author further highlights the potential that a Community Garden could reach “in a few years from now.” Benefits to the society and the common householders around the area are highlighted through the author’s choice of enthusiastic language. By stating that “it’s amazing what we can achieve when we work together and support each other,” the community group aims to evoke positivity and a sense of group work within their readers. As being common householders, the readers are expected to feel benefited to some extent by this plan, as it allows them to work together with their “neighbours” for a “better future.” Further outlined advantages such as gardening being a “great way for children to learn,” extend upon this appeal to the readers’ social values, as it indicates to them an opportunity for their children to “learn” and appreciate the value of “team work”. To accompany this emotion, the author includes a poster in their newsletter. Coming from the time of war, it is intended to portray the importance of gardening in a situation of “food crisis” in the midst of this “vulnerable society”. Though stated that “we are facing a different sort of crisis,” the leader intentionally includes this poster with an intention to appeal to his audience’s sense of appreciation. It bids to incline the reader towards feeling the “importance” of their access. The “Dig for Victory” during the time of war is expected to bring a common householder to a sense of appreciation for their access to “vegetables and fruits” and instead “grow it yourself.”

The leader of the Grow Slow Garden Group shifts onto a rather matter of fact tone to indicate the “crisis” that “Processed and packaged foods” and the “car trips” following the daily requirements for fresh fruits and vegetables place the world into. Evoking a sense of fear within the community members, the author aims to indicate the “cruel nature” of such a “convenience.” While the reader is expected to feel antagonistic for their actions, they are aimed to be alarmed at the “price that planet Earth has to pay” for them. Displaying this through a visual medium, the author includes a bar chart of the “cost” of wasted food each year in “just one Australian State.” By associating the cost with specifically “your convenience,” a common householder is targeted to feel ashamed of their contribution to this cost, and is positioned to question their responsibilities. Furthermore, the readers are inclined to vote in favour of the Organisation, as they may realise that the sooner an action is taken, the more beneficial it will be to “our planet, as well as ourselves.”

By reminding the community members that it’s “our” benefit involved within the proposition, the author intends to highlight that it’s in the interest of everyone that a community garden must be made, and that it’s a collective approach towards the “Dig For Victory, again.” Concluding with appeals to conformity and community spirit the author aims to further persuade the readers who are overall pushed towards viewing the community garden as a positive approach both for the well-being of the environment and the community.

M_BONG

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2014, 12:23:40 am »
+1
Section C Piece 2: (Your Feedback Required Please  :) )

(Analysis Of : http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2013/2013english-w.pdf)



I have done this piece in class, so I did some basic corrections for you. I corrected it for you because no one else has - but if someone more experienced corrects it, you should trust their corrections over mine. I am still in Year 12 :)


I am not entirely familiar with the piece because it's been like two months since I did a practice piece on it so my comments won't be specifically about the evidence you *should* have chosen or the way you could have analysed things, but more about what you have already written - because I ceebs reading the article in detail now... it's 12AM lol.

Good luck :)
« Last Edit: October 17, 2014, 12:34:51 am by Zezima. »

Gutthi

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE (NEW ONE JUST POSTED AT THE END - UNMARKED)
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2014, 12:40:29 am »
0
Thank you Zezima for your feedback and efforts. And hanks for taking your valuable time out for this :)

Also, if anyone would like to give me any more feedback on this piece, please fee to do so. I will try an take all feedback into account :)

Gutthi

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2014, 01:05:02 am »
0
Also, I always end up getting shut down. Every time I think I have improved, I really haven't. I get completely destroyed by the feedback I get (but not that I don't appreciate this kind of feedback, infact if I deserve it for a piece, then please feel free to give me such feedback). I really don't know if I'm going to move over this obstacle. Sighhh   :-\

walkec

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2014, 06:13:44 am »
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Also, I always end up getting shut down. Every time I think I have improved, I really haven't. I get completely destroyed by the feedback I get (but not that I don't appreciate this kind of feedback, infact if I deserve it for a piece, then please feel free to give me such feedback). I really don't know if I'm going to move over this obstacle. Sighhh   :-\

I'm sorry you feel like that. It can be hard to work with feedback to not make the same mistakes. I'd advise you to really analyse the feedback and make a 200% effort to try and apply these to your next piece.

English is also one of those subjects where it can be difficult to see your own improvements. Even though I haven't had a chance to give you feedback for your second piece, I did read it and I saw a lot better things in it than the first. So please don't be disheartened.

Gutthi

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2014, 07:10:15 am »
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Thank you walkec, I'm satisfied to some extent that you saw some improvement. I read others' essays and don't seem to know where I m going wrong. I can only try :P

kandinsky

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2014, 07:57:31 pm »
0
Section C Piece 1: (Your Feedback Required Please  :) )

(Analysis Of : http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2010english-w.pdf)

The issue of “achieving a significant reduction in the rate of biodiversity loss” as a part of the commitment made in 2002 raises concern regarding “how well have we done?” Reviewing progress towards achieving this target at the 2010 International Biodiversity conference, speaker Chris Lee approaches his audience, including attendees involved in the area of nature conservation, in a rather accusatory yet a disapproving tone. While complementing the two, Lee also employs an alarmist tone to contend that rapid action must be taken “before it is too late.” The use of visuals through his opening and closing slides enable Lee to deliver his argument through another medium.

By indicating the “vital significance” of “this year” Lee aims to draw his audiences’ attention to the importance of their presence at the conference itself. Furthermore, his alarmist tone, accompanying his introduction, carries along a warning for the attendees, indicating the reality check that is to compliment his speech. It is prior to presenting any of his arguments that Lee immediately highlights his presence as part of the audience, by stating the “value of biodiversity in our lives.” By doing so, he is able to reassure his audience that its not a particular group, but everyone that is to be blamed for the “thoughtless human actions,” yet it is also everyone that must take action to “reverse the negative trend.” Lee further extends upon the idea of an inclusive approach towards the solution by indicating that “we will….strengthen our goals,” while connoting a positive future amongst the audience.

Introducing his argument of “thoughtless human actions” causing the “loss of species at a faster rate than they can evolve,” Lee continues his alarmist approach towards his audience, and employs the use of statistics from the IUCN. Referencing a major organisation in context of his speech, the use of statistics adds credibility to his argument while allowing Lee to approach the attendees’ sense of justice for the “already extinct” species. By bluntly highlighting that “it is too late for them,” the speaker bids to appeal to the audience’s moral values, and further extends upon the idea of there still being time for action to preserve the remaining biodiversity. By doing so, the audience is compelled to ponder upon their actions in the “sad….past.”

Shifting onto a rather accusatory one, Lee further attacks his audiences’ “lack of unity” in leading “us to a grim situation,” however, accompanying his accusation is his choice of inclusiveness with his audience that again reassures them that everyone is to be held responsible for the “environmental degradation.” The speaker further acknowledges his audiences’ status as being “the most educated generation of any to date,” hence implying that there is “no excuse for inaction.” While appealing to their honourable presence in such a way, Lee juxtaposes his “economic(ally) giant” viewers to the “poor….vulnerable” communities, and simultaneously appeals to their sense of justice for the less fortunate that depend on biodiversity “for survival.” The attack and juxtaposition, in conjunction with emphasis upon “you (audience)”, bid to cause the attendees to feel ashamed of their inaction, hence further reiterating Lee’s contention of a “need to change.”

While panning back to his alarmist tone, Lee colloquially indicates to his audience that they must stop “kidding themselves” and take action before it is too late. This accompanies his argument of “taking serious action from now onwards” while the speaker continues the juxtaposition of the “1.1 billion people….in poverty” as opposed to “us….in the comfort of an air-conditioner.” Through the constant juxtaposition of the poor and the rich, Lee’s audience is able to understand their importance in the community as the one’s “responsible for it,” furthermore, they are inclined to feel involved in taking “serious action” in order to preserve the biodiversity. Lee also employs the use of a visual representing the world in the hands of a human, which, by summarizing the presentation enhances the ideal of humanities’ responsibility and impact upon biodiversity through depicting the globe resting in our hands. This image creates the sensation that we control the well-being and future of the world inspiring an overwhelming sense of responsibility.

By adopting constant tone shifts and employing a range of different appeals throughout his presentation, Lee summarises the importance of “our” action in order to “prevent the loss of biodiversity,” and while doing so, his “educated” audience is departed with a greater sense of appreciation for their access. Simultaneously, while the speaker utilises a range of different persuasive techniques to deliver his contention, his audience is inclined to be convinced by his arguments, and is further urged to take serious action.

This thread just reminds me how annoying Lang Anal was, is, and forever will be. Be excited for the Eng exam if you're doing it this year! It means no more Lang Anal ever again :)

Yacoubb

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2014, 09:02:15 pm »
+3
Section C Piece 2: (Your Feedback Required Please  :) )

(Analysis Of : http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2013/2013english-w.pdf)

Discussions regarding potential future uses of an abandoned area of land have given rise to possible ideas regarding its restoration as a benefit to the local community. Making a contribution to this discussion is the Grow Slow Garden Group which endorses the idea of employing the unoccupied land as a means for establishment of a Community Garden. By alternating their optimistic tone with a rather matter of fact approach throughout the their informative newsletter, the Community Group aims to persuade the local community members, including common householders, to support them in propositioning their plan to the Local Community Council. Further approaching a colloquial language to accompany their contention, the group tends to employ the use of visuals, including a poster and a bar chart, Accompanying the newsletter is a poster and a bar chart that illustratesin order to present their the Grow Slow Garden Group's perspective through another medium, and hence incline the local community members to “join in” in voting for a Community Garden.

Good introduction. Be lean and clean with your language for language analysis. Vary sentence length, but try to be economical with your words. For instance, you can jump straight into mentioning how the piece is accompanied by visuals to illustrate X through another medium.

Quote
The bold headline “Getting our future back on the rails – slowly,” is aimed to grab the community members’ attention as it connotes a topic that is familiar to “just about everyone.” The word “rails” is associated to the “abandoned railway yards” which are an unoccupied part of the local community, and by relating “our future” with the topic, the leader of the Grow Slow Garden Group bids to assure to his readers of a “visionary” proposition being made.

Okay, here's what's wrong with this. 'Grab the community members' attention' is a really generic phrase that doesn't really do much. Plus, if you want to get a good score for LA, you need to use stand-out phrases. I'd say something like:

The bolded headline, "Getting our future back on the rails - slowly", capitalises upon the issue of ... [sorry I haven't read the article, just looking at the analysis here].

Also, make sure you tailor your effect specifically to the context at hand. So, have they bolded the headline because the want to capitalise on the importance of establishing a community garden, and reiterating how getting 'back on the rails' is an integral part of 'our future'? Is this to position readers to regard the writer's contention with seriousness at the outset, which would render readers more likely to accept and credit the writer's contention as they proceed throughout the newsletter. Consider the implications of each technique, and contextualise it to the situation.

The majority of your analysis is pretty good actually. Just make sure to try and demonstrate a hollistic analysis of the piece. Mention why the author's placed something in a certain place, or why the author mentions X prior to Y, and the intended effect on the reader. Why has the visual been placed before the writer begins his argument? All of these show a hollistic approach to analysis, which will lift your essay. Also, try and link things together. If the author mentions something at the end which he has aforementioned at the start, you could mention how 'X' further compounds what has been aforementioned, reiterating Y.

Hope this helped :)

Gutthi

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Re: SECTION C FEEDBACK PLEASE
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2014, 12:27:39 am »
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Thank you kandinsky for reassurance :P And thanks Yacoubb for your feedback :)