MARK MY LANGUAGE ANALYSIS PLEASE!!!!!

[looking4help]

hello
Just wanting someone to study this and let me know how terrible it is!!!!
thanks so much!!!!-please note it is NOT finished!!!



The article ‘An asylum seeker’s story: journey to Australia’ makes use of various persuasive techniques, both visual and text–based techniques to attempt to convince the reader of its legitimacy and to arouse sympathy in the reader towards asylum seekers. It is an autobiographical extract from the Australia and New Zealand College of Anaesthetists Bulletin. The main contention in the article is that the decision asylum seekers make to flee their country from persecution and fear is not one that is made lightly. Key visual techniques used in the article are headline, image and caption and the key language techniques that are used consist of emotive language, imagery and repetition.
The visual techniques used in this article have a very significant contribution to the article’s meaning. Their main purpose is to refute the image the majority of the population holds of a stereotypical asylum seeker which in turn helps to convince and persuade the reader. This contradiction is achieved by heading the article with a picture of a professional looking anaesthetist, dressed in theatre scrubs and surrounded by complex and theatre related machines. The combination of headline, image and caption are typical of an article that would be found in a newspaper or bulletin, as it gives the audience more information on what to expect. However, the information to follow is different from the normal information expected. This is because at first, the reader would not relate the picture of Dr Alkhazrajy with being an asylum seeker. Yet the information describes how this asylum seeker got into his profession. Alone, the image of Dr Waleed Alkhazrajy, in a professional surrounding, is meaningless. Yet when we read the caption it gives us deeper understanding into the background information supporting the image. These techniques are effective as the image draws the reader’s attention to the article and the caption and headline work together to captivate the reader and lure them further into reading the rest of the article.
The language techniques used in the article are equally as important as the visual techniques. The combination of emotive language, anecdote, repetition and imagery that are used has a heavy impact on persuading the reader. The article uses emotive words like ‘die’, ‘fear’, ‘sentence you to death’ and ‘torture’ to arouse deep affections and sympathy within the reader. Using such strong language causes an emotive response in the reader which in turns softens their hearts and transfigures their views whilst they continue to read the article.
The audience this article is aimed at is the general public of Australia. It is appealing to the reader to have sympathy and feeling towards asylum seekers. He uses short, easy to understand sentences containing simple language which makes it easy for the majority of the Australian population to understand and empathise. The context is defined in using words like ‘asylum seeker’, ‘people smugglers’, ‘flee’ and ‘boat’ and immediately the reader can grasp a hold of what the article is about. The use of more professional language like ‘doctor’ and ‘anaesthetist’ qualifies the text and causes the reader to respect and accept the context of the article. Alkhazrajy makes an overt appeal to the Australian population in begging them to give the asylum seekers a fair go. He succeeds this by saying, ‘I just want the Australian population to understand the amount of pressure and desperation for these people to make this journey.’ This article is appealing to a general audience which is the overall population of Australia. It is not narrowed to a specific audience as there are no jargons or elements of technical and hard to understand language, preventing the average person from understanding the article. Therefore it easily creates a feeling of compassion and empathy in the reader bringing about a dramatic change to their view on asylum seekers.
In conclusion, the article uses language techniques well to make the reader sympathise with asylum seekers. In using strong emotive language like ‘die’ and ‘fear’, the reader has no other option but to put themselves in the life of an asylum seeker and understand the difficulty of the decision they are forced to make. 

[walkec]

hello
Just wanting someone to study this and let me know how terrible it is!!!!
thanks so much!!!!-please note it is NOT finished!!!



The article ‘An asylum seeker’s story: journey to Australia’ makes use of various persuasive techniques, both visual and text–based techniques to attempt to convince the reader of its legitimacy and to arouse sympathy in the reader towards asylum seekers. It is an autobiographical extract from the Australia and New Zealand College of Anaesthetists Bulletin. The main contention in the article is that the decision asylum seekers make to flee their country from persecution and fear is not one that is made lightly. Key visual techniques used in the article are headline, image and caption and the key language techniques that are used consist of emotive language, imagery and repetition.
The visual techniques used in this article have a very significant contribution to the article’s meaning. Their main purpose is to refute the image the majority of the population holds of a stereotypical asylum seeker which in turn helps to convince and persuade the reader. This contradiction is achieved by heading the article with a picture of a professional looking anaesthetist, dressed in theatre scrubs and surrounded by complex and theatre related machines. The combination of headline, image and caption are typical of an article that would be found in a newspaper or bulletin, as it gives the audience more information on what to expect. However, the information to follow is different from the normal information expected. This is because at first, the reader would not relate the picture of Dr Alkhazrajy with being an asylum seeker. Yet the information describes how this asylum seeker got into his profession. Alone, the image of Dr Waleed Alkhazrajy, in a professional surrounding, is meaningless. Yet when we read the caption it gives us deeper understanding into the background information supporting the image. These techniques are effective as the image draws the reader’s attention to the article and the caption and headline work together to captivate the reader and lure them further into reading the rest of the article.
The language techniques used in the article are equally as important as the visual techniques. The combination of emotive language, anecdote, repetition and imagery that are used has a heavy impact on persuading the reader. The article uses emotive words like ‘die’, ‘fear’, ‘sentence you to death’ and ‘torture’ to arouse deep affections and sympathy within the reader. Using such strong language causes an emotive response in the reader which in turns softens their hearts and transfigures their views whilst they continue to read the article.
The audience this article is aimed at is the general public of Australia. It is appealing to the reader to have sympathy and feeling towards asylum seekers. He uses short, easy to understand sentences containing simple language which makes it easy for the majority of the Australian population to understand and empathise. The context is defined in using words like ‘asylum seeker’, ‘people smugglers’, ‘flee’ and ‘boat’ and immediately the reader can grasp a hold of what the article is about. The use of more professional language like ‘doctor’ and ‘anaesthetist’ qualifies the text and causes the reader to respect and accept the context of the article. Alkhazrajy makes an overt appeal to the Australian population in begging them to give the asylum seekers a fair go. He succeeds this by saying, ‘I just want the Australian population to understand the amount of pressure and desperation for these people to make this journey.’ This article is appealing to a general audience which is the overall population of Australia. It is not narrowed to a specific audience as there are no jargons or elements of technical and hard to understand language, preventing the average person from understanding the article. Therefore it easily creates a feeling of compassion and empathy in the reader bringing about a dramatic change to their view on asylum seekers.
In conclusion, the article uses language techniques well to make the reader sympathise with asylum seekers. In using strong emotive language like ‘die’ and ‘fear’, the reader has no other option but to put themselves in the life of an asylum seeker and understand the difficulty of the decision they are forced to make.

Do you have the article/link for the article? Because I find it hard to give analysis feedback without reading the article myself

[Flor]

hello
Just wanting someone to study this and let me know how terrible it is!!!!
thanks so much!!!!-please note it is NOT finished!!!


I personally think you should start off  with a context sentence providing a bit of insight into the issue, as opposed to just jumping right into the analysis. For example "The recent proposal to *blah blah blah* has raised issues regarding the legitimacy of *blah blah blah* Do you get me?
The articleNo author? If so, use terms such as the editor, writer etc etc depending on the piece. Make the author the active agent ‘An asylum seeker’s story: journey to Australia’ Date? Published?makes use of various persuasive techniquesI would advice against making general statements like this -the article is obviously going to be littered with persuasive techniques, don't feel the need to blatantly state it. both visual and text–based techniques to attempt to convince the reader of its legitimacy and to arouse sympathy in the reader towards asylum seekers.I would avoid analysisng in your intro(if this is still apart of your intro. Leave it to the body paragraphs.) It is an autobiographical extract from the Australia and New Zealand College of Anaesthetists Bulletin. The main contentionBe a bit more subtle. By this I mean, something like "The author asserts..etc etc." in the article is that the decision asylum seekers make to flee their country from persecution and fear is not one that is made lightly. Key visual techniques used in the article are headline, image and caption and the key language techniques that are used consist of emotive language, imagery and repetition.
 I don't know about others, but for me general statements like this look kind of lazy. Also, you don't have to mention the techniques the author uses in the introduction. (I've separated this bit, from the rest so I'm assuming it is your intro). Maybe mention the headline and the image, but that's probably about it. Also, if you're going to mention the article is attached with an image, then you're going to need to provide context in relation to the article. I.e "To vindicate the author's assertion, the article is laced with a visual depicting the *context here*.

General statements regarding your intro

• Start off with a context sentence -- provide a backdrop into the issue and how it's caused discussion within the community
• Get the nuts and bolts out of the way! Be clear with the form! if you look at your intro you've introduced it first as an article, then as an autobiographical extract. Add where it's published, date, audience (something you haven't addressed), the tone (this is optional, but I really think it's a good idea to have in your intro). The image and headline (optional) Like I said before, make the writer an active agent! The article didn't write itself!
• Avoid general states like "there are a lot of persuasive techniques" and things of the like! It just shows a very superficial understanding of language analysis.
  

The visual techniquesWhat visual techniques? Be more specific! It really pays to be concise. used in this article have a very significant contribution to the article’s meaning.What meaning? Their ? Are you referring to the image, or a person? main purpose is to refute the image the majority of the population holds of a stereotypical asylum seekerI'm not sure what your point is which in turn helps to convince and persuade the readerGood start, but you need to go further. Convince readers to what? and persuade them to what? Is the author trying to engender guilt? fear? what? This contradiction is achieved by heading the articleQuote the heading instead and then pick apart the bits of the heading which contrasts with the point you're making (haha, I'm having trouble understanding what exactly you're saying. I should probably read the article) with a picture of a professional looking anaesthetist, dressed in theatre scrubs and surrounded by complex Another word and theatre related machines. You've repeated theatre. Maybe instead of machine, apparatus? Idk, I'll come back later to fix up syntax etc. The combination of headline, image and caption are typical of an article that would be found in a newspaper or bulletin, as it gives the audience more information on what to expect. However, the information to followQuote section you're talking about, it could be anything. As a reader, I cannot simply infer from such a vague statement. is different from the normal information expected. This is because at first, the reader would not relate the picture of Dr Alkhazrajy with being an asylum seeker. Yet the information describes how this asylum seeker got into his profession. Alone, the image of Dr Waleed Alkhazrajy, in a professional surrounding, is meaningless.I think I get what you're saying. Like the author fails to garner the support of readers blah blah. That's interesting, if so. Be clearer with how you express yourself. Yet when wenot we, the reader etc. read the caption it gives us deeper understanding into the background information supporting the image. These techniques are effective as the image draws the reader’s attention to the article and the caption and headline work together to captivate the reader and lure them further into reading the rest of the article.The purpose of LLA is to analyse, not evaluate which is what you have done here.

The language techniques used in the article are equally as important as the visual techniques.Again, evaluation. No one cares if they're equally important. Just analyseThe combination of emotive language What emotive language? Quoteanecdote,What anecdote? Quote repetition What repetition? Quoteand imagery What imagery? Quote that are used has a heavy impactreally now? Sell it to me. WHY? JUSTIFY Y0UR ASSERTIONS on persuading Firstly, drop the term 'persuading,' the purpose of the article IS to persuade, no point stating it. Secondly, PERSUADING THEM TO WHAT? You come up with valid points but never justify them. It's just like POINT POINT POINT *ALMOST A JUSTIFICATION *END. We'll work on this! the reader. The article uses emotive words like ‘die’, ‘fear’, ‘sentence you to death’ and ‘torture’ woah woah woah, these are pretty heavy terms. Back it up a bit. What is the author trying to conjure? imagery?connotations? go into this I haven't read the article yet (I skimmed quickly) but from inferringto arouse deep affections and sympathy within the reader. Using such strong language causes an emotive response in the reader which in turns softens their hearts and transfigures their views whilst they continue to read the article.
The audience this article is aimed at is the general public of AustraliaThis should be in the intro. It is appealing to the reader to have sympathy and feeling towards asylum seekers.You've made this point already. If you're going to continue with explaining how the author does it, just continue writing from before.
Haha, I've never read an LA where the syntax of a piece is analysed. Nice. He uses short, easy to understand sentences containing simple language which makes it easy for the majority of the Australian population to understand and empathise.Be specific. If you can, quote. The context is defined in using words like ‘asylum seeker’, ‘people smugglers’, ‘flee’ and ‘boat’ and immediately the reader can grasp a hold of what the article is about. Yeah........no. This is pretty much irrelevant and adds no extra value to your LA. Like I could just read the heading and know it's about Asylum seekers.The use of more professional language Here's how I'd write it "Through the continuing use of the terms "doctor," and "anaesthetist," to represent *such and such* the author endeavours to bolster their credibility. In this way, readers may....." like ‘doctor’ and ‘anaesthetist’ qualifies change this wordthe text and causes the reader to respect and accept the context of the article. Alkhazrajy is this the author!??!?!?!?!?!makes an overt appeal to the Australian population in begging them to give the asylum seekers a fair go. He succeeds this by saying, ‘I just want the Australian population to understand the amount of pressure and desperation for these people to make this journey.’ too long of a quote. You can break it up.This article is appealing to a general audience which is the overall population of Australia. It is not narrowed to a specific audience as there are no jargons or elements of technical and hard to understand language, preventing the average person from understanding the article. Therefore it easily creates a feeling of compassion and empathy in the reader bringing about a dramatic change to their view on asylum seekers.

In conclusion, the article uses language techniques well to make the reader sympathise with asylum seekers. In using strong emotive language like ‘die’ and ‘fear’, the reader has no other option but to put themselves in the life of an asylum seeker and understand the difficulty of the decision they are forced to make.

So I stopped correcting towards the end. Anyways, I looked at the article! THERE IS AN AUTHOR. YOU'VE IDENTIFIED THE WRONG PERSON AS THE AUTHOR. Tory Shepherd (probably fix this). Assuming you're in year 11, this is really good that you're getting a start on LA. Don't be disheartened by the amount of red, you have so much time to work on this. If I can suggest 2 things: 1) Re-work this. Write it over and over again, until you've polished completely because you'll soon realise what is expected of you. I have a series of LA articles that I think would be really good to analyse. If you'd like more, I'll send you them. Look, if you don't do this, that's fine! However, maybe just attempt at writing out several introductions to pieces and polishing that, then go on to write body paragraphs etc etc. Then attempt to write a coherent piece.2) Read how other people write a LA piece. Honestly, that's probably the best way to assist you. Like, I can make all these comments, but what good is it if you don't actually see and exemplary piece http://www.atarnotes.com/forum/index.php?topic=8375.0.Just one more comment on this piece, which I might explain later further is your structure -- it really needs work. Anyways, work at polishing this. It takes time, but in the end it is rewarding! Good luck

Okay, I have to go study! I'll come back to finish this! It's a pretty good analysis. I've skimmed over the entire piece and I think that you're the right track! However, the problems I'm finding with beginning of your piece, seem to be littered throughout your piece. One thing I noticed is that you quote (finally) from the piece you're analysing which is good! You need to get into the habit of doing that more often, but not for the sake of quoting! Only quote worthy things, things that you can unpack. Also, as suggested by another poster, it would probably be easier to have you post the article Good luck with everything and good job so far!!

[looking4help]

thank you sooooo much everyone for your help!!!!!
please see attached link and the article can be found there!!!!
thanks again!!!!!!!!
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/an-asylum-seekers-story-journey-to-Australia/
please let me know if u cant find the article!!!_thanks again!!!!

[Flor]

thank you sooooo much everyone for your help!!!!!
please see attached link and the article can be found there!!!!
thanks again!!!!!!!!
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/an-asylum-seekers-story-journey-to-Australia/
please let me know if u cant find the article!!!_thanks again!!!!

OP, I think I've finished correcting. I didn't read the article, just merely skimmed because I'm really busy atm. Good luck with your studies!