Hey, just some comments:
-I don't know if I remember correctly or not, but Julia wanted to be an interpreter- not a teacher.
- Be wary of modal language - 'only a product of the horrors in her life'. We aren't Julia and so we can't assume this to be true. So 'to an extent, perhaps, etc' would be relevant words/phrases to include in here.
- With Koch, I think you could have gone further and looked at how he's 'dealing with his past'/ is he really dealing with his past? We see that he still longs her for him former life and he is still, to an extent, trying to recreate his past life through his 'Wall archive'.
-There's very little analysis of metalanguage and how Funder created the text, positioned readers, etc. Our teacher has said that each paragraph should have at least 2 references to metalanguage or text construction in some way, shape or form. So try including that.
Also try and mention the form of the text- easy marks, I guess?
Other than that, nice essay.
I don't know how to comment on expression, etc so I just looked at the ideas mainly.
& good luck