Can somebody mark this one please? Is this one good enough to add to the WE-thread?
Thx heaps
“Without connections to others there is no me”
“The quality of our connections to others and to ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives”. Anthony Robbins’ statement epitomizes that both our sense of self and our sense of social integration interconnect and co-exist. From our cultural heritage to our experience as human beings there are a plethora of situations in which we realize how the groups that help us gain a sense of social integration play an important role in the establishment of our identity. However, while Robbins depicts the importance of relationships with others, perhaps it is also possible that we can truly find oneselves despite being alienated from society. Thus, it is clear that there are multiple factors responsibly in the development of a solid, fully-fledged identity.
Our sense of closeness to our family shapes who and how we are. Our parents are our first teachers who are at the centre of our upbringing and teach us values, attitudes and beliefs that help to define us from our conception and birth. Family expectations can either act as a burden on a child’s sense of self and abilities, or an opportunity to learn and grow. Upon reflection I can see the footprint my parents left on me. My parents’ continuous support and guidance in specific academic, social and sportive areas crafted my interests, hobbies and beliefs. In the same way as my father and my sister, I am to a great extent interested in Mathematics and Computer-science, which originates from my dad’s persistent help in both areas. Similarly my favorite sport and most loved hobby, ballroom dancing, emanates from my parents immense encouragement to try out this specific sport. Their highly regimented parenting styles shone light onto the path of self-discovery that they wanted me to take. The sense of affiliation they have given me has allowed exploring the very fabric of my uniqueness, which was inspired by their words of encouragement. Conversely it can be through disagreement with parents’ ambitions that we can realize who we really are. Without knowing who we are not how can we know who we are? In the anthology of short stories Growing Up Asian in Australia, edited by Alice Pung, this notion is exemplified in “Five Ways to Disappoint Your Vietnamese Mother”, in which the protagonist, Diana Nguyen, does not conform to her mother’s expectations of her and they clash on a personal and moral level. Diana wants to pursue her dream of an acting career while her mother has more conservative plans. It is through Diana’s rejections of her mother’s opinion of an ideal life for Diana that she is able to holistically express herself and establish a more solid identity. In particular looking at Diana’s future success in shows such as Underbelly, it is crucial that we are still able to question our parents’ prospects for our future. Thus, we can see that our relationships with our families can help us to contemplate our own purposes, capabilities and potential, whether it is through agreement or disagreement with our family’s desires.
Additionally our interaction with friends, peers and colleagues can provide us with our sense of self-definition. Groups and communities can provide security, support and acceptance in our lives. By nature, human beings are not solitary creatures; in fact we're among the most social animals on the planet, to the extent that isolation causes physical brain damage. Contributing to the social fabric can have a positive effect on our sense of self – it can enhance our self-esteem as well as our self-worth. Literary parallels enrich our understanding of this idea, for example the story “Chinese Dancing Bendigo Style” of Growing Up Asian in Australia, which evidently recreates that the identification with a group can act as a catalyst for the progress of self-discovery. The initially reserved and dejected protagonist, Joo-Inn, feels like she does not fit in anywhere surrounded by Australians until she finally meets people from the Bendigo Chinese Association. In this Association she gathers with people of the same cultural background. It is through this sense of social integration that Joo-Inn is able to be aware of her true distinctiveness and, in comparison to Diana, gain cultural pride. Similarly, my perception of an ideal me has been shaped by my commitments and relationships with others. My interactions with my friends and the people in my environment have helped me to develop a stronger sense of self and a better self-awareness. It is through this social incorporation that I am able to apprehend certain blemishes in my character and improve upon them. This is also embodied by Chuck Palahniuk with the statement “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.” Hence, it is clear that without reciprocal social actions with others we are not able to attain a holistic view of ourselves.
However, our character and uniqueness can also derive from other factors that influence our live. The affiliation we have with our family does not always depict who we are. Not always is our distinctiveness bonded to the individuals surrounding us. This notion is illustrated in the film ‘My Sister’s Keeper’, in which the independent and strong-willed character, Anna, says about herself: “Most babies are accidents. Not me. I was engineered. Born to save my sister’s life”. It is through this statement that Anna highlights that she was only born for the purpose of donating her body to her sister, which is embraced by her self-centred mother. Even though Anna is interacting solely with her family, she develops her own self-definition and rebels against the obligation her mother thinks Anna has. Thus, to avoid suffering from the same trials and tribulations, as Anna did in her youth, it is crucial that as individuals we are able to question our own role in society. The idea that we do not require to be bonded to a group or society to develop a sense of self and our own uniqueness is reflected in Growing Up Asian in Australia with the story “Towards Manhood”, in which the writer, Benjamin Law, says his mother’s uterus must have been indecisive and he is an “Asian hybrid man-child thing” in a “confused body”. Law did not feel like he belonged to his karate club nor did he feel convinced that he “bonded” with his brother. He felt that they were “just too different.” Despite lacking a sense of social integration, he was able to identify himself as a homosexual male in a “hybrid” body. This self-actualization did not require the establishment of any connection with others. His feminine physique and homosexuality may well have been due to genetics. American politician Robert Casey's draws a further emphasize on the notion that our sense of self is predetermined by natural causes and that we cannot help how we are born with the statement “From the beginning, each human embryo has its own genetic identity”. Thus, we can see that some individuals are not malleable to the influence of the connections to others and are able to develop their own idiosyncrasy and self-definition despite being socially alienated
The society we are born into combined with our natural genetics is our identity’s starting point. At times, we are able to explore our interests and values and discover our true strengths through social integration. Nevertheless, if we consider, on the contrary to Robbins, the cases that exemplify the possibility of a process of self-discovery without relationships with others, the idea that “without connections to others there is no me” does not seem to be universally correct – a concept epitomized by Alan Rudolph with the statement “Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it’s often only found in moments of truth”.
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