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March 29, 2024, 06:38:55 pm

Author Topic: Essay Feedback and Correction pls  (Read 1232 times)  Share 

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Adequace

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Essay Feedback and Correction pls
« on: March 30, 2015, 08:28:00 pm »
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Hi,

Please be brutal and nit-pick. I am aiming for a 50 ss in CSL which is undoubtedly unattainable from someone with my Chinese calibre, regardless I will try hard and get a good score even when being in the lowest XJS class - fml.


Writing Task 1: Since starting year 10, you have felt there are a lot of changes in school life and everyday life which are different from that in your junior years. You would like to talk about these changes and your reflection on these changes in your Chinese class. Now you start to write your speech.

老师,同学们:

         大家好!我是威廉,今天我要跟你们谈谈十年级跟初中的变化和差距。对我来说十年级又难又累,因为你要平衡你的学习和活动时间。
          进入十年级你快要成人。你的父母不会每天牵你的手来安慰你。你要自己培养你的自理能力,将来可以培养你的责任感。你还要帮父母做家务。比如。洗完,熨衣服,等等。你做这些事你会得到他们的爱和尊重。

          还有,现在学习很重要。你要开始选你十一和十二年级要学的科目。每个学校有各种各样的科目。你选你最喜欢的是最重要。不过,你还要出去运动和跟朋友进行活动。

         我小时候不爱学习,爱玩电脑的孩子。在学校每个科目都学了一般,不但韦德中文特别差。三年过去了,现在我在班山都数一数二,总是名列前茅。我不但很努力学习我也去田径长跑步也参加很多田径竞赛。从小我的父母教育我 “今日事,今日毕”。 这已经成了我的好习惯,让我成了一个一心一意努力学习的孩子。

      因此,你要在十年级开始准备好的生活和学习习惯。所以在十二年级你不会很操心也在考试时候不会很难。
         
          我讲完了,谢谢大家。

Edit: Looks rather short but it comes to ~400 characters.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2015, 08:30:11 pm by Adequace »

Adequace

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Re: Essay Feedback and Correction pls
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2015, 04:46:48 pm »
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My teacher emailed me back and said I didn't answer the prompt correctly, thus I did a complete rewrite and realised she wrote that the prompt is about the changes and reflection about our Chinese class in Year10. Opposed to what I thought, which was we were talking to our Chinese class and talking about the differences and changes about Year 10 in general..